Giving Up.

As I’m sure with any dieter who is doing a significant/major weightloss, which I consider to be 30lbs+, you always get into those “funks” of, “I don’t know how much longer I can do this” or “Why bother? I’m never gonna look like ‘her’” or even just, “holy shit, I want to binge on some good ‘ole American junk food!”; for me it’s a combination of all 3. I hate to get on here and continually talk about my weightloss, seeing as the goal of this blog was to incorporate other aspects of my life like school, Youtube for sure, photography and internet stuff, but this stuff plagues me and I want to talk about it.

I, at this point in my weightloss, have loss a total of 26lbs since January 31st. I’d be lying to you if I said I didn’t have my slip-ups over those 2 months, but for the most part I have been very good. I’m at the point now where I can have someone (usually the kids in my class lol) sit right next to me with a deliciously smelling plate of Chinese food or Halal and not feel the need to run right to the restaurant/stand as soon as class lets out, or even at all. Anyway, I was in a bit of a funk today, I had come to that point of, “how much more of this can I take?”

This is the worst kind of fatness: fatness of the mind. I have fat, but I don’t consider myself a fat girl and neither do most people; I’m almost always described as thick, which in all honesty is a word that disgusts me to the bone. Goal numero uno: have a body type that cannot be described as thick! Lol. I hate that fucking word, its grosses me out. Anyway, the fatness of the mind. I feel like MSG and junk food eating is apart of my genetic make-up now (lol) from all the years of poor eating. You know how celebrities on the road and college students, eating out all the time, say all they wish they could have is a home-cooked meal? Yeah, well all I wish I could have is some mega fries from Nino’s with hot-wings, NYC style pizza and sweet tea. I probably sound psycho right now.

Sigh. It may seem like I’m giving up, but no, I’m just venting–I’m too far in to give up now. I’m almost half-way there! Fitting into my old jeans, getting hit on by hotties last weekend at my friends b-day, seeing my grandmother who was  literally like, “wow, you look reallll good Elizabeth!” are all things that are propelling me to go on. More recently, as in, 30-minutes ago, I had another swift, kick in the ass of thinspiration: a picture of an old friend of mine from HS caught my eye on Facebook. Girl lost so much weight (probably 35lbs or so) and she looks so fucking good. She was always a pretty girl but my Lord! If she can do it, I can do it, if she can go from really pretty girl to hot I can go from… whatever I am to hot.

Well, that’s all. /End rant. Guys, gals, don’t give up!

Body Rant

This is one of my favorite shirts and it’s actually one that I stole from my cousin lol. For some reason most of my favorite shirts tend to be busted old t-shirts; I don’t know maybe it’s because they fit the best. Anyway, I wore this when I went to the gym a few hours ago and felt the need to take a picture of it before I went down (notice my bikini in the top lol). NO Goals, NO Glory.

Damn straight.

Well people, I FINALLY have started working out again, which is simply embarassing to say because THERE IS A 24/7 GYM IN MY BUILDING. I hadn’t gone regularly working out since October, which was the last time I was on a diet (before this run). I stopped going and gave up on my diet and on myself for a minute because I was so obsessed with losing weight that I would be intaking very low calories and working out too damn much. I had read you can work out too much, but I didn’t believe it. I mean I’d be in the gym like, 2-3 hours every day just fucking going. And it got to a point where I wasn’t losing any weight no matter the fact that I was eating well. I now reckon that I was probably turning fat into muscle, therefore my non-weightloss and even weight gain. Long story short, I got off the diet and got back to my highest weight again (which I had peaked the beginning of my senior year in HS). After HS I lost a lot of weight, met a boy, he broke my heart and I lost myself for a minute. I was back in business a few months later but had still lost some confidence, not to mention my move to my aunts house where I proceeded to gain 20lbs. Sigh.

Your Love Gets Sweeter Every Day

I don’t know why I titled this post that, but it probably has a lot to do with that being the song I’m listening to right now lol. I have this playlist I just listen to over and over again from youtube. It’s got some good stuff in it. Anyway, this post isn’t about music, it’s an update on my weightloss and whatnot.

Things are going great! Still satisfied with these scale numbers and I have increased my physical activity from just walking around school to playing DDR and when I go to the city, opt for walking instead of the train. I still haven’t caved into eating crap (maybe that has to do with the fact that I haven’t hung out with Camille in the city for 2 weeks lol) since the last time. Did I mention that I actually did go to Cold Stone a week after I almost caved and I did get the Caramel Churro Crave thingy? I know, poor me, but happily to say, it wasn’t as good as I had thought it would be so I won’t be going back to get another. One thing I have been craving though is Haagen Dazs dulce split dazzler omg… Bananas, caramel, I usually get nuts on it, whip cream all over dulce de leche  ice cream OMG. *Dies* Maybe I’ll get it in 2 weeks, which is when I should meet my first half-goal.

Why am I always talking about food? Lol. Anways, I went to the museum the other day and got to take some AMAZINGLY awesome pictures! I will post them in a post after this under “Photography” stuff.

Food Pr0n

Now what I’m supposed to be doing right now is homework. I got class on Wednesday (tomorrow) and I wanted to get a head start on my homework so I’m not doing the crap at the last minute as per usual, especially considering I need to make a video tomorrow.

But, right now, I’m hungry. I’m very hungry. And I’m thinking about food. Above is just a pic I took of some Korean banchan, but below I shall murder all of you and make your mouth water for FOOD. I love late night eating, to bad those days are LONG over! You want to know what my biggest problem is–I love junk food. It does my heart good (well not literally) to eat CRAP. I grew up eating junk food and to this day I enjoy it very much, it’s my conscience that makes me feel bad about it.

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Check these delicious meals out after the jump! I forgot to put tacos in here but oh well.

Thinspiration is here!

Sup guys, I’m currently on the LIRR right now and decided, why not make a post…? And I’m doing all of this from my cell phone, isn’t technology crazy??

Anyway, my thinspiration arrived today: my bikini! It’s even cuter in person and I tried it on and guess what? I LOOKED TERRIBLE IN IT!!! Does that sound like I’m happy about it? Lol well I’m not but it gave me that extra “mmph!” to go on. I was happy with the numbers on the scale today and I’m perfectly on schedule (at this point) for my March 7th goal. I set loose weekly mini-goals but the first landmark is March 7th.

I hung up the bikini on my full-length mirror (which is by the fridge) so I can keep my eyes on the prize. I’ll see it every time I go over to the fridge and every time I leave to go out.

Oh and not to worry all, I know I’m very vague about my weight/pants size/etc and haven’t posted pics but that’s just for right now. Know that I HAVE been documenting my weight loss journey with pictures AND video that of course at the end of all this I will make a compilation video (and probably a super long how-to post) so hopefully I can inspire someone else to be the best of themselves they can be. Hey who knows? I could be someones extra last little shove to lose the weight.

Last night Camille showed me a pic of this girl she knew (and I knew vaguely too) and the girl used to be big and she lost AT LEAST 50lbs! I was seriously like W:OW when I saw her. Just more fuel to the fire! If she can do it, so can I and so can YOU!!!!

Ice Cream and Academic Probation

I almost lost my shit today.

I was in the Atlantic Mall applying places and looking for places to apply today so I could get another job (if you know anywhere, let a sista know!!) and as I was leaving I saw one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen… Cold Stone’s Churro Caramel Cave. I almost lost it. No. NO. You don’t understand. I walked by the place twice, the first time I tried to get away as fast as possible as soon as I saw that fucking thing. OMG it has 3 of my #1 FAVORITE sweet things…

1. I LOVE CARAMEL. CARAMEL PWNS CHOCOLATE ANY DAY.
2. I LOVE CHURROS. MMM YUM. NOTHING BETTER THEN FRIED BREAD COVERED IN COPIOUS AMOUNT OF SUGAR AND CINNAMON.
3. I LOVE WHIP CREAM. SWEET AND LIGHT.

But no jokes, the first time I walked away then somehow I ended back over by that stupid fucking store and I stared blindly at the sign LITERALLY for close to a minute. That doesn’t sound long? Well then get off the computer, go over to the wall and stare at it for an entire minute–that’s a long ass fucking time! This heaping pile of heaven

Responding to Jerks on Youtube

Maybe I shouldn’t even waste my time?

I got a lot of comments and messages from people telling me I shouldn’t have even wasted my time making a video response to this guy Testicle Testizel who had started shit with me on Youtube, to be honest with you, I didn’t see it coming at all. I think that he just wanted to make a video about something and TOTALLY blew what I said out of proportion, not to mention his totally fabricating and LITERALLY making up things “I said” to support his weak arguement. I hate stupid people.

After I made my response video, he couldn’t rebuttle anything that I said at all and of course again he made everything I did say (those few points he adressed) seem really over done and blown out of proportion. One thing in particular, the fact that he called me “Mrs. Rain” which he SPECIFICALLY said in his 1st video then in his 2nd video said he didnt say that, so, what did I do? I went back and listened to his video again and sure enough he called me “Mrs. Rain.” 바보야! 

Fallen off the wagon.

Guys, I have fallen off the wagon.

Being in Delaware, as usual when I’m on a diet, has set me back in my weightloss ‘Journey to Sexy.’ It has a lot to do with how my father has run the household since we were kids: he was a single parent, I went to school in the city (30 mins from home), my dad got out of work late and we often ate out… needless to say, such a habit has continued into my adult years. I have found the only way effective for me to lose weight is to stay my ass in New York.

Anyway, it brings me regret to inform you I have gained back the weight I lost. This fact makes me sad, but it also gives me encouragement to take my ass back home and work twice as hard to get it off. On Monday, it will be 2 weeks before I must return to school, in which time I plan to lose close to 20lbs. I know my body, and I know for a fact that as soon as I get back to NY and go back to how I was regularly eating (under 2,000 calories per day [non-diet]) I will drop 5lbs, trust me, I’ve been struggling with my weight for years, I know what I’m talking about. From there, I will then work my ass off to lose the last 15 (roughlt 7lbs per week) until school.

Meeting TearsNoMore87!

Sup y’all!

Just wanted to post my latest video where I meet TearsNoMore87! We became friends through Youtube–amazing. Lol. She’s my first Youtube friend, though of course I have acquaintances on there. Here is a video of us in the car, it’s a bunch of bullshit but watch it anyway ’cause I say so!

And isn’t that picture above great?! I saw it while walking towards St. Marks, I forget what street it was on but I thought it was great and is really appropriate to my life right now lol. Girlfriend looks ferocious!

Please go to the actual video to rate, comment and subscribe!

Epiphany!

I have had an epiphany y’all.

It all started when I was on Facebook and decided to creep on someone I used to be really good friends with on High School and I saw how thin she got… shit! She was never a big girl per se, definitely thick in the thighs and behind area, and bigger arms… anyhow, as I said in my New Years Resolution post, I’m working on my weight and living more healthy, well I’ve been doing pretty well since Tuesday.

I digress.

I was on Facebook and I looked on this persons profile and had seen how thin she got and was like “damn!” That 20lbs (I don’t know how much she lost exactly, duh) does wonders to a person! And then I thought, fuck I’ve had enough of this! Pardon my empty-headed rambling. But yes, anyway. I shall stay on course, keep the status quo and work towards my goal of making this a very productive spring/summer.

Hmm… there is so much I want to say and add here… I want to plead for help, I want to talk about my desires