Disclaimer: Just cause you write a question doesn’t mean I’m 100% GOING to answer it! But no harm in trying! lol

I HAVE BEEN ON TUMBLR. Lol. I haven’t been really doing blog posts over there but I have been there. It’s a lot of fun to post pictures and reblog other peoples stuff. Also, people post pics of themselves in cool outfits and I like reblogging photos of celebrities I like, women I admire, men who I find delicious and my favorite, to post old pictures from movies and stills from the 20s-60s. I love that era in case you didn’t know.

I also post MJ stuff, Rain stuff, people doing the nasty or getting ready to and maybe even the random picture of myself. If you’re on there follow me and leave your links in a comment so I can follow you, okay?! You can also ask me questions on there, anonymous or signed in!

http://lostcitymedia.tumblr.com/

PS You like me gif I made? My shirt is awesome, it says “If You’re Not Wasted, the Day Is.”

trufax.

It’s only been in recent weeks that I’ve gotten back into the whole “drinking thing.” As much as I may regret it the next day, I can’t lie, I have TOO MUCH fun drinking and partying with friends oh man lol. The past 2 weekends I’ve had some pretty epic hang-outs.

Sigh. I have so much on my mind right now though. Last night (or should I say this morning?) I had a really horrible dream, which involved me being kidnapped and being taken to this… house type of thing where I was forced to live a certain way, talk a certain way and I couldn’t talk to my friends or family or get help. I was stuck in this place. I tried to yell but I couldn’t, it was horrible. More of a nightmare then a dream. And for some reason there was smoke/steam  everywhere. Maybe I’ll look it up in the dream dictionary…. Okay, I just looked up some stuff (what kidnapping means, what smoke and steam mean, calling for help etc) and… lol. That’s really all I’m going to say about that.

I’m feeling very… out-of-body and confused right now. Ever have something happen that you know you can’t talk to anyone about and you just feel like you’re going to explode? I mean literally, your chest feels like it’s going to explode.

I hate this. I forgot about this feeling. And to think I actually missed it? Lol. Boy was I wrong.

Ah well in other news, I started updating my Tumblr again. You can check it here: http://lostcitymedia.tumblr.com/

Follow me and drop your link in a comment.

Minus the skull in the middle of her chest an the tats on her hands and fingers, you don’t know how bad I wish I could get something like this! Unfortunately, society usually frowns upon individuality and if I had a tattoo like this, most straight men would probably think me a lesbian. Shame.

I do want a sleeve though, but if I do, it will probably end up being a half-sleeve. The following tattoos that I will post are fucking beautiful, beautiful. I would love to have something like this.

Who said a tattoo isn’t art? This is a fucking work of art! This girl has turned her body into a piece of art. I want a tattoo like this SOOO BAD. The only qualms would be pregnancy, and Earth knows I want to have several children, which will probably turn this from art to gross, but hey, the thought is nice.

If I do end up getting the half sleeve, I’m thinking I want it it do be, at the top, a zodiac sun/moon together, then King Neptune bursting from the water with his trident in vain of this famous statue, but I also just found this tattoo, which is sick! So it’d be King Neptune, and in the water running down my arm, there would be water lilly’s much like the last tattoo on the bottom, swirled around like that. I love the swirly cartoon look of it. Then maybe some koi fish in the water or jumping out of the water.

What do you think???

Anyway, look at my new shoes! I got them from Strawberry. I went there to look at their rain boots considering it’s supposed to rain a lot which is extremely fucking annoying. I didn’t end up getting the rain boots because they didn’t fit over my bare calves properly and so I knew they wouldn’t fit over my calve with jeans properly. A minor set back–we’ll get there. Honestly, with all the weight that I lose I don’t think my calves will ever get the size I want them to. My father has always had large calves (even when he was younger and fit), and I have them as well. I think I will have to have them botoxed to get the look I really desire. Sigh. Add it to my list of PS lol.

So. What do you think of my boots? You rike? I went off on a tangent about calves, but these were the next best shoes I could find that would keep away rain. They are very hipsterish, no? I think they will look good with skinny jeans. I still don’t know how to tie them properly.

I, at this point in my weightloss, have loss a total of 26lbs since January 31st. I’d be lying to you if I said I didn’t have my slip-ups over those 2 months, but for the most part I have been very good. I’m at the point now where I can have someone (usually the kids in my class lol) sit right next to me with a deliciously smelling plate of Chinese food or Halal and not feel the need to run right to the restaurant/stand as soon as class lets out, or even at all. Anyway, I was in a bit of a funk today, I had come to that point of, “how much more of this can I take?”

This is the worst kind of fatness: fatness of the mind. I have fat, but I don’t consider myself a fat girl and neither do most people; I’m almost always described as thick, which in all honesty is a word that disgusts me to the bone. Goal numero uno: have a body type that cannot be described as thick! Lol. I hate that fucking word, its grosses me out. Anyway, the fatness of the mind. I feel like MSG and junk food eating is apart of my genetic make-up now (lol) from all the years of poor eating. You know how celebrities on the road and college students, eating out all the time, say all they wish they could have is a home-cooked meal? Yeah, well all I wish I could have is some mega fries from Nino’s with hot-wings, NYC style pizza and sweet tea. I probably sound psycho right now.

Sigh. It may seem like I’m giving up, but no, I’m just venting–I’m too far in to give up now. I’m almost half-way there! Fitting into my old jeans, getting hit on by hotties last weekend at my friends b-day, seeing my grandmother who was  literally like, “wow, you look reallll good Elizabeth!” are all things that are propelling me to go on. More recently, as in, 30-minutes ago, I had another swift, kick in the ass of thinspiration: a picture of an old friend of mine from HS caught my eye on Facebook. Girl lost so much weight (probably 35lbs or so) and she looks so fucking good. She was always a pretty girl but my Lord! If she can do it, I can do it, if she can go from really pretty girl to hot I can go from… whatever I am to hot.

Well, that’s all. /End rant. Guys, gals, don’t give up!

Lol. BUT SRS. I was waiting until SAW was over to post these pics but never got around to it… NOW I AM. WHY IS HE SO HOT?? WHY? ANSWER DAMN IT! I NEED TO KNOW!

The real reason that propelled me to post this though is that he was in a dream I had the night before last. I was on my way to meet him up at my aunts house. I’m pretty sure he was in my dream because I read an article about him somewhere shortly before I went to sleep but yeah, HES MY NEW CRUSH FOR THE MOMENT, LULZ.

I hate saying I have a type but I gotta be honest man, I DO. I sooooo do and Chris is a PRIME example of my type. He got the sleeves, ear pierced, nice body, nice skin, he wears fitted’s and has an alternative style and then he bleached his hair YUMMM! Lol. SRS. When I saw his new hair I was seriously like :O LOVE. I always thought he was hot but that just took the cake. But yeah… my type: Chris Brown lol. Another example would be John Mayer<3, Pharell, Eminem. I love guys with tattoos <3 the more the better! (Unless you’re like Lil’ Wayne who is just appalling).

Damn straight.

Well people, I FINALLY have started working out again, which is simply embarassing to say because THERE IS A 24/7 GYM IN MY BUILDING. I hadn’t gone regularly working out since October, which was the last time I was on a diet (before this run). I stopped going and gave up on my diet and on myself for a minute because I was so obsessed with losing weight that I would be intaking very low calories and working out too damn much. I had read you can work out too much, but I didn’t believe it. I mean I’d be in the gym like, 2-3 hours every day just fucking going. And it got to a point where I wasn’t losing any weight no matter the fact that I was eating well. I now reckon that I was probably turning fat into muscle, therefore my non-weightloss and even weight gain. Long story short, I got off the diet and got back to my highest weight again (which I had peaked the beginning of my senior year in HS). After HS I lost a lot of weight, met a boy, he broke my heart and I lost myself for a minute. I was back in business a few months later but had still lost some confidence, not to mention my move to my aunts house where I proceeded to gain 20lbs. Sigh.

It feels better to be working out again but I’m not gonna lie I’m a little sore getting back into it; now I only do the recommended “training” for weight-loss: 30mins. My machine of choice: treadmill and I do 2 reps of 10 on the ab coaster, of course to be increased as I get more used to it. I do not, repeat, DO NOT want to gain muscle. I wouldn’t care if at the end of this thing I couldn’t lift my cell phone to my ear lol. I do want to tone a little, but I’ll worry about that later. Since the start of my diet on January 31st I have lost 23lbs. I wonder if you can tell from my Youtube videos? I have a video I made a month ago about weight-loss, I should post it soon.

I’d say where I lost those 23lbs majorly has been my arms, neckline and stomach–all places I would rather lose weight secondarily. The place I want to lost weight most is my ASS. When women gain wait it tend to be around the trunk area and DAMN IT I am no exception! Most of my weight is accumulated in my thighs, butt, hips and lower stomach. From my history of weight-loss, I reckon after the next 10-15lbs I lose my stomach will be virtually flat–this is just how my fucking body decides to lose weight. I’ll have skinny ass forearms like in the 2nd picture below and a flat-ish stomach that just needs toning. I have gone down about 2 pants sizes but of course that’s nothing (I mean it something, but it’s also nothing). I want to lose about another 6-7 pants sizes, maybe more, who knows?

Now to talk about my butt. Sigh. It has quite literally been the bane of my existence since I was 14 years old; it has attracted me too much negative attention from undesirable, disgusting men who are trifling enough to make passes at a 14/15/16 year old child and old enough to be my damn father.  It has kind of been a scarring thing. There were (are…?) days when I would think, “Shit. I need to come into some money and have lipo!” Another thing I have is hips which also have incurred me a lot of attention to the point of affecting my sense of style. Up until this summer, I would STILL wear clothes long enough that I covered my behind, even tying a hoodie around my waste so that no filthy geezers can degrade me as I have so been dehumanized over the years. Scarred I tell you. A cousin of mine who is, ahem, booty-challenged once said to me, “Liz, I wish I had your butt!” Really? Here, you can have it!

I’ve lived… 6 going on 7 years with this thing and I can tell you right now I DON’T WANT IT. I can’t wait until the day when I stand back-facing the mirror and see nothing. I mean, I will never have nothing, I mean, my body type just won’t allow it, but it will be a fuck of a lot less than what is there right now. If anyone has managed to make it this far (doubt it lol) and knows any exercises I can do to cut out thigh fat/hip fat/butt fat please let me know, that’s my target area. Yes, I want to have a slim, flat stomach but my main goal right now is from the waist down; I don’t want my thighs to touch at all. I can deal with a little curvy hip so long as my thighs aren’t touching. It’s so hard for me to jeans shop because my waist-to-hip ratio is like… a big difference! My jeans mostly fit my thighs and butt well but are baggy as hell and WAY TOO BIG on my stomach/waist/upper pelvic area. Sigh. SIGH!

I also got to admit I’m a little sick of this whole “diet thing.” Counting calories is as natural to me now as breathing. I mean, I can’t even front, I’m not sitting around eating raw carrots and celery all day–the diet food I eat is good. I eat Lean Cuisine, low calorie Hot Pockets, pre-seasoned vegetables (frozen food), these DELICIOUS lemon pepper chicken wings that I got from Target (that I haven’t been able to get in almost 2 weeks ), turkey hot dogs on whole grain bread, low-cal pierogies and much more, so I’m not even gonna lie. But damn I can’t tell you guys how bad I want some fried chicken, macaroni and cheese and BBQ ribs! And some bananas! And some NY style pizza; cheesy and greasy as all hell. I WANT FRENCH FRIES SOOOO BAD loaded with 3 kinds of cheeses with bacon and ranch on the side (OMG) and I want hot wings! Needless to say: I LOVE JUNK FOOD AND MISS IT VERY MUCH. I grew up on junk food (another story for another time) and I really miss it amongst all this healthy eating.

SIGH. I’m sure no one made it this far. Oh well. Well, below after my pictures you see pics of Audrina Patridge: the woman with my ideal body type in a perfect world. What I would give for that body, fake TIT-TAYZ and all! lol I love her style too… I can’t wait until after my weightloss and I get my new Hipster from Hell wardrobe!!

PS So I just remembered these jeans that I have and hadn’t worn in OVER SIX MONTHS and I just got up and tried them on and they FIT. THEY FIT ME. THEY FIT LIKE A GLOVE. Talk about thinspiration! I tried on another pair and THEY FIT AS WELL. Man. MAN. This feels fucking good dude. Cross your fingers, hopefully I’ll break a 10-mark tomorrow (ie; going from 40′s to 30′s or 30′s to 20′s). I’ve been longing for this. March 31st is my anticipated half-way goal and I think that’s when I will really start uploading the weight-loss videos.