I have had an epiphany y’all.

It all started when I was on Facebook and decided to creep on someone I used to be really good friends with on High School and I saw how thin she got… shit! She was never a big girl per se, definitely thick in the thighs and behind area, and bigger arms… anyhow, as I said in my New Years Resolution post, I’m working on my weight and living more healthy, well I’ve been doing pretty well since Tuesday.

I digress.

I was on Facebook and I looked on this persons profile and had seen how thin she got and was like “damn!” That 20lbs (I don’t know how much she lost exactly, duh) does wonders to a person! And then I thought, fuck I’ve had enough of this! Pardon my empty-headed rambling. But yes, anyway. I shall stay on course, keep the status quo and work towards my goal of making this a very productive spring/summer.

Hmm… there is so much I want to say and add here… I want to plead for help, I want to talk about my desires and express the depression I’ve felt for so many years, but I guess I’ll just keep that one in. I have a friend I used to talk about “fat stuff” with… but then she got thin. And she looks good. I can still talk to her about these things, because she still struggles with losing that last 15 (boy do I wish I had trouble losing the last 15, I have problems losing the first 15!), but it’s like, “You’ve done your thing, why can’t I?” as I shove some some cheese fries from the chicken spot around the corner down my throat. Anyway. I’ve got to stop self-pitying and feeling shitty about myself because you know what, that’s only going to lead me into temptation and Earth knows I don’t need anymore of that.

However I did accomplish a rather large temptation today–I gave away cheesecake my aunt made for me. As good as it was, I had a piece, I knew that those days are over now. The woman made an entire circle pan of it because she didn’t know I liked it, and she wanted to give me the whole damn pan but in my head I was like “Oh HELL NO.” And I took a quarter of it–which I gave away. Snaps for me. Lol. I’m rambling on and on about nothing.

One thing I LOVE about New York–all commercial restaurants are REQUIRED BY LAW (and some non-commercial do as well) to put the calorie content of their foods on the menus–something that has saved my ass! Let me put it into perspective for you, on my way home from school to where I live which is NOT far away I pass: McDonalds, Starbucks, a delicious pizza place, Burger King, Checkers, Popeye’s, multiple chicken spots and chinese restaurants, Quiznos, Subway, Dunkin Donuts, West Indian restaurants, Applebees, Pizza Hut, Golden Krust and some more shit I can’t remember, not to mention the oodles of corner stores and super markets. I have to deal with this every day. Why am I telling you this? I don’t know. When I get a craving and I go into the restaurant thinking I’m about to go crazy, when I see that “870 calories” or “400 calories” for some damn french fries, you best damn believed I either left or when I got to that register I had a change of heart.

Sigh. I need help. Thank the Earth for Lean Cuisine–without you I don’t know where I’d be! Delicious healthy food in less that 10 minutes! Fabulous!

Below, some thinspiration for those of us that need it.

About rainonmebi

21, living in New York City making videos and living life to the fullest capacity. View all posts by rainonmebi

6 responses to “Epiphany!

  • Mimi

    Ah, good luck!! You can do it! Although I would be careful on the videos you post. Thinspiration and Thinspo are terms used for pro anorexia. Not the best goal to live up to. lol. A happy healthy weight is key!!!

  • rainonmebi

    thank you! And yes i saw teh pro-ana/mia videos and they are very sickening o_O i feel really bad for those girls… I wouldn’t want to be that thin, trust me. Thanks for commenting!

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