As I’m sure with any dieter who is doing a significant/major weightloss, which I consider to be 30lbs+, you always get into those “funks” of, “I don’t know how much longer I can do this” or “Why bother? I’m never gonna look like ‘her’” or even just, “holy shit, I want to binge on some good ‘ole American junk food!”; for me it’s a combination of all 3. I hate to get on here and continually talk about my weightloss, seeing as the goal of this blog was to incorporate other aspects of my life like school, Youtube for sure, photography and internet stuff, but this stuff plagues me and I want to talk about it.
I, at this point in my weightloss, have loss a total of 26lbs since January 31st. I’d be lying to you if I said I didn’t have my slip-ups over those 2 months, but for the most part I have been very good. I’m at the point now where I can have someone (usually the kids in my class lol) sit right next to me with a deliciously smelling plate of Chinese food or Halal and not feel the need to run right to the restaurant/stand as soon as class lets out, or even at all. Anyway, I was in a bit of a funk today, I had come to that point of, “how much more of this can I take?”
This is the worst kind of fatness: fatness of the mind. I have fat, but I don’t consider myself a fat girl and neither do most people; I’m almost always described as thick, which in all honesty is a word that disgusts me to the bone. Goal numero uno: have a body type that cannot be described as thick! Lol. I hate that fucking word, its grosses me out. Anyway, the fatness of the mind. I feel like MSG and junk food eating is apart of my genetic make-up now (lol) from all the years of poor eating. You know how celebrities on the road and college students, eating out all the time, say all they wish they could have is a home-cooked meal? Yeah, well all I wish I could have is some mega fries from Nino’s with hot-wings, NYC style pizza and sweet tea. I probably sound psycho right now.
Sigh. It may seem like I’m giving up, but no, I’m just venting–I’m too far in to give up now. I’m almost half-way there! Fitting into my old jeans, getting hit on by hotties last weekend at my friends b-day, seeing my grandmother who was literally like, “wow, you look reallll good Elizabeth!” are all things that are propelling me to go on. More recently, as in, 30-minutes ago, I had another swift, kick in the ass of thinspiration: a picture of an old friend of mine from HS caught my eye on Facebook. Girl lost so much weight (probably 35lbs or so) and she looks so fucking good. She was always a pretty girl but my Lord! If she can do it, I can do it, if she can go from really pretty girl to hot I can go from… whatever I am to hot.
Well, that’s all. /End rant. Guys, gals, don’t give up!