Body Rant

This is one of my favorite shirts and it’s actually one that I stole from my cousin lol. For some reason most of my favorite shirts tend to be busted old t-shirts; I don’t know maybe it’s because they fit the best. Anyway, I wore this when I went to the gym a few hours ago and felt the need to take a picture of it before I went down (notice my bikini in the top lol). NO Goals, NO Glory.

Damn straight.

Well people, I FINALLY have started working out again, which is simply embarassing to say because THERE IS A 24/7 GYM IN MY BUILDING. I hadn’t gone regularly working out since October, which was the last time I was on a diet (before this run). I stopped going and gave up on my diet and on myself for a minute because I was so obsessed with losing weight that I would be intaking very low calories and working out too damn much. I had read you can work out too much, but I didn’t believe it. I mean I’d be in the gym like, 2-3 hours every day just fucking going. And it got to a point where I wasn’t losing any weight no matter the fact that I was eating well. I now reckon that I was probably turning fat into muscle, therefore my non-weightloss and even weight gain. Long story short, I got off the diet and got back to my highest weight again (which I had peaked the beginning of my senior year in HS). After HS I lost a lot of weight, met a boy, he broke my heart and I lost myself for a minute. I was back in business a few months later but had still lost some confidence, not to mention my move to my aunts house where I proceeded to gain 20lbs. Sigh.

It feels better to be working out again but I’m not gonna lie I’m a little sore getting back into it; now I only do the recommended “training” for weight-loss: 30mins. My machine of choice: treadmill and I do 2 reps of 10 on the ab coaster, of course to be increased as I get more used to it. I do not, repeat, DO NOT want to gain muscle. I wouldn’t care if at the end of this thing I couldn’t lift my cell phone to my ear lol. I do want to tone a little, but I’ll worry about that later. Since the start of my diet on January 31st I have lost 23lbs. I wonder if you can tell from my Youtube videos? I have a video I made a month ago about weight-loss, I should post it soon.

I’d say where I lost those 23lbs majorly has been my arms, neckline and stomach–all places I would rather lose weight secondarily. The place I want to lost weight most is my ASS. When women gain wait it tend to be around the trunk area and DAMN IT I am no exception! Most of my weight is accumulated in my thighs, butt, hips and lower stomach. From my history of weight-loss, I reckon after the next 10-15lbs I lose my stomach will be virtually flat–this is just how my fucking body decides to lose weight. I’ll have skinny ass forearms like in the 2nd picture below and a flat-ish stomach that just needs toning. I have gone down about 2 pants sizes but of course that’s nothing (I mean it something, but it’s also nothing). I want to lose about another 6-7 pants sizes, maybe more, who knows?

Now to talk about my butt. Sigh. It has quite literally been the bane of my existence since I was 14 years old; it has attracted me too much negative attention from undesirable, disgusting men who are trifling enough to make passes at a 14/15/16 year old child and old enough to be my damn father.  It has kind of been a scarring thing. There were (are…?) days when I would think, “Shit. I need to come into some money and have lipo!” Another thing I have is hips which also have incurred me a lot of attention to the point of affecting my sense of style. Up until this summer, I would STILL wear clothes long enough that I covered my behind, even tying a hoodie around my waste so that no filthy geezers can degrade me as I have so been dehumanized over the years. Scarred I tell you. A cousin of mine who is, ahem, booty-challenged once said to me, “Liz, I wish I had your butt!” Really? Here, you can have it!

I’ve lived… 6 going on 7 years with this thing and I can tell you right now I DON’T WANT IT. I can’t wait until the day when I stand back-facing the mirror and see nothing. I mean, I will never have nothing, I mean, my body type just won’t allow it, but it will be a fuck of a lot less than what is there right now. If anyone has managed to make it this far (doubt it lol) and knows any exercises I can do to cut out thigh fat/hip fat/butt fat please let me know, that’s my target area. Yes, I want to have a slim, flat stomach but my main goal right now is from the waist down; I don’t want my thighs to touch at all. I can deal with a little curvy hip so long as my thighs aren’t touching. It’s so hard for me to jeans shop because my waist-to-hip ratio is like… a big difference! My jeans mostly fit my thighs and butt well but are baggy as hell and WAY TOO BIG on my stomach/waist/upper pelvic area. Sigh. SIGH!

I also got to admit I’m a little sick of this whole “diet thing.” Counting calories is as natural to me now as breathing. I mean, I can’t even front, I’m not sitting around eating raw carrots and celery all day–the diet food I eat is good. I eat Lean Cuisine, low calorie Hot Pockets, pre-seasoned vegetables (frozen food), these DELICIOUS lemon pepper chicken wings that I got from Target (that I haven’t been able to get in almost 2 weeks 😦 ), turkey hot dogs on whole grain bread, low-cal pierogies and much more, so I’m not even gonna lie. But damn I can’t tell you guys how bad I want some fried chicken, macaroni and cheese and BBQ ribs! And some bananas! And some NY style pizza; cheesy and greasy as all hell. I WANT FRENCH FRIES SOOOO BAD loaded with 3 kinds of cheeses with bacon and ranch on the side (OMG) and I want hot wings! Needless to say: I LOVE JUNK FOOD AND MISS IT VERY MUCH. I grew up on junk food (another story for another time) and I really miss it amongst all this healthy eating.

SIGH. I’m sure no one made it this far. Oh well. Well, below after my pictures you see pics of Audrina Patridge: the woman with my ideal body type in a perfect world. What I would give for that body, fake TIT-TAYZ and all! lol I love her style too… I can’t wait until after my weightloss and I get my new Hipster from Hell wardrobe!!

PS So I just remembered these jeans that I have and hadn’t worn in OVER SIX MONTHS and I just got up and tried them on and they FIT. THEY FIT ME. THEY FIT LIKE A GLOVE. Talk about thinspiration! I tried on another pair and THEY FIT AS WELL. Man. MAN. This feels fucking good dude. Cross your fingers, hopefully I’ll break a 10-mark tomorrow (ie; going from 40’s to 30’s or 30’s to 20’s). I’ve been longing for this. March 31st is my anticipated half-way goal and I think that’s when I will really start uploading the weight-loss videos.

About rainonmebi

21, living in New York City making videos and living life to the fullest capacity. View all posts by rainonmebi

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