Giving Up.

As I’m sure with any dieter who is doing a significant/major weightloss, which I consider to be 30lbs+, you always get into those “funks” of, “I don’t know how much longer I can do this” or “Why bother? I’m never gonna look like ‘her’” or even just, “holy shit, I want to binge on some good ‘ole American junk food!”; for me it’s a combination of all 3. I hate to get on here and continually talk about my weightloss, seeing as the goal of this blog was to incorporate other aspects of my life like school, Youtube for sure, photography and internet stuff, but this stuff plagues me and I want to talk about it.

I, at this point in my weightloss, have loss a total of 26lbs since January 31st. I’d be lying to you if I said I didn’t have my slip-ups over those 2 months, but for the most part I have been very good. I’m at the point now where I can have someone (usually the kids in my class lol) sit right next to me with a deliciously smelling plate of Chinese food or Halal and not feel the need to run right to the restaurant/stand as soon as class lets out, or even at all. Anyway, I was in a bit of a funk today, I had come to that point of, “how much more of this can I take?”

This is the worst kind of fatness: fatness of the mind. I have fat, but I don’t consider myself a fat girl and neither do most people; I’m almost always described as thick, which in all honesty is a word that disgusts me to the bone. Goal numero uno: have a body type that cannot be described as thick! Lol. I hate that fucking word, its grosses me out. Anyway, the fatness of the mind. I feel like MSG and junk food eating is apart of my genetic make-up now (lol) from all the years of poor eating. You know how celebrities on the road and college students, eating out all the time, say all they wish they could have is a home-cooked meal? Yeah, well all I wish I could have is some mega fries from Nino’s with hot-wings, NYC style pizza and sweet tea. I probably sound psycho right now.

Sigh. It may seem like I’m giving up, but no, I’m just venting–I’m too far in to give up now. I’m almost half-way there! Fitting into my old jeans, getting hit on by hotties last weekend at my friends b-day, seeing my grandmother who was  literally like, “wow, you look reallll good Elizabeth!” are all things that are propelling me to go on. More recently, as in, 30-minutes ago, I had another swift, kick in the ass of thinspiration: a picture of an old friend of mine from HS caught my eye on Facebook. Girl lost so much weight (probably 35lbs or so) and she looks so fucking good. She was always a pretty girl but my Lord! If she can do it, I can do it, if she can go from really pretty girl to hot I can go from… whatever I am to hot.

Well, that’s all. /End rant. Guys, gals, don’t give up!

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About rainonmebi

21, living in New York City making videos and living life to the fullest capacity. View all posts by rainonmebi

3 responses to “Giving Up.

  • Y

    I have seen your youtube videos and I think you look good. How much do you want to lose? I must admit that I too would like to lose weight but only 10lbs 15 max. BTW why does the word “thick” disgust you so much??

    • rainonmebi

      Thanks 🙂 and I want to lose at least another 40lbs. I think the word thick disgusts me so much because growing up a lot of gross older men in the street used to call me that. My thickness attracted to me a lot of undesireables. Getting called “hey thickness” or being told I’m “sexy and thick” by random men in the street has kind of scarred me and has really made me disgusted to the word. Hope you understand what I mean.

  • Tracey Cope - Life Coach & Math Tutor - Oxford PA

    Congrats!! How is your goal coming? I can’t tell you how many different routines I tried before I finally found something that I could stick with and worked. A personal trainer friend of mine put a guy in my church on a program that helped him lose 90 lbs and he gained a lot better control over his blood sugar. After seeing what it did for him, i had to try it. My husband and I are hosting a seminar all about nutritional cleansing, and the toxins in our lives and how we can deal with them effectively. This information has changed my life. It’s going to be held this Tuesday, October 4th, 2011 at the Embassy Suites hotel in Newark DE across from the Bob Carpenter Center. I know it’s a haul from NY but it’d be worth it. You can RSVP or register at the door, but try to be there by 6:45 to make sure you get a seat. Here is a link to more information and photos of my progress using this information… http://bit.ly/p1Agx4 – I’m so excited about this because it’s how I broke through my weight-loss wall, and dropped 33 pounds and 5 inches in my waist this summer. I am no longer thick and I’m SOOOOO happy !! 🙂

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